Beyond Emergence

Beyond Beautiful: Disability, Liberation, Love

Season 3, Episode 1 - Beyond Emergence

🎧 Listen to the Episode

🧭 Episode Summary

Season 3 of Beyond Beautiful: Disability, Liberation, Love begins with a deeply personal solo 

reflection on what transformation truly means. Mandi challenges society's traditional idea of 

transformation as changing yourself to become more acceptable and instead explores what it means to become more fully who you already are.

Through reflections on disability identity, internalized ableism, butterfly metaphors, faith, 

accessibility, and authentic allyship, Mandi shares how transformation can happen internally, relationally, and collectively.

💬 Key Themes

• Redefining Transformation

• Disability Identity

• Disability Theology

• Allyship

🚨Partnership

Intersectional Access has a partnership with Buoy, a company that creates hydration drops designed to support people living with chronic illnesses and conditions where maintaining hydration is especially important. Before agreeing to collaborate, I reached out to my community to hear about their experiences, and many people shared that Buoy has been helpful for managing symptoms and staying hydrated. One thing that stood out to me is their Chronic Illness Support Program, which offers people living with chronic illness 35% off their orders for life. If you use my referral link, you’ll receive 60% off your first subscription. Everyone else will receive 20% off their orders. I do earn a small commission from purchases made through the link, and that support helps sustain the podcast and the work I do to amplify disability-centered conversations. Use this Referral Link.

📜 Full Transcript

Mandi: Welcome to Beyond Disability Liberation Love. I'm Mandi, your Queer Christian Disabled host.

Buoy Advertisement

Mandi: Wow. We are here. Season three, the first episode. And thank you to everyone who is coming back for this season. I appreciate you listening, sharing episodes, leaving kind messages, engaging in conversations and growing alongside me. Whether you've been here since the beginning or you found this podcast somewhere along the way, thank you for being part of this community.

And speaking of community, I want to give a special shout out to my Beyond Beautiful Collective Facebook group because you actually helped shape this season. At the end of last season, I asked whether you preferred my shorter solo reflection episodes, the longer guest interviews, or a combination of both. And you overwhelmingly voted for both. And honestly, I love that because it feels the most authentic to who I am as a storyteller and facilitator. So this season will include solo episodes like today's conversation, powerful guest interviews, deeper dialogue,and conversations that challenge us to think differently about disability, identity, healing,faith and liberation.

Trust me when I say this season has really stretched me. I've reached out to people I once thought were completely out of my league. Anyone else ever experience imposter syndrome?

Well, somehow these amazing guests said yes to joining me this season. I will include conversations with authors, doctors, advocates, influencers, bloggers, and people whose lived experiences are deeply reshaping conversations that we need to be having.

And yet, I knew I couldn't start there. I needed to start right here, just with you and me. And with a conversation about why I chose this season's theme, Transformation.

Mandi: I think we've been sold a version of transformation that often feels violent.

"Transform your body."

"Transform your mind."

"Transform your life."

Often what this really means is change yourself until you become more acceptable, smaller, more productive, more attractive, less disabled, less complicated, more digestible.

But I am here to reject that because real transformation isn't about becoming someone else. It's about becoming more of who you already are. And today I want to explore what that has looked like for me.

Mandi: We live in a culture obsessed with before and after. Think about it. Weight loss ads,

beauty campaigns, fitness culture, medical messaging, even self-help spaces. Everything centers this idea that your current self is somehow in incomplete, that your after version is more worthy than your before.

And disabled people feel this deeply. We are often given narratives that suggest our bodies need fixing, that our minds need correcting, our mobility needs improving, that our pain should be hidden, that our neurodivergence should be masked, our scars should be erased.

Sometimes these messages are subtle. Sometimes they show up as concern.

"Have you tried this treatment?"

"Maybe this doctor can fix it."

"There has to be something you can do."

"You'd be so much happier if..."

Mandi: Look, I want to be very clear. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing support. Medication, surgery, therapy, mobility aids, treatment plans, accommodations. These things can be life-giving.

I am not anti support.

I am anti the idea that support is only valid if it makes us appear less disabled.

That is different.

If medication helps you feel more like yourself, beautiful.

If surgery reduces pain, beautiful.

If mobility aids expand freedom, beautiful.

If therapy helps you heal, guess what? Beautiful.

But if these interventions are rooted in shame, that is where we need to pause.

I've had to confront this in my own life. Internalized ableism is very sneaky. It tells you, don't ask for help, don't burden people. Push harder, work more. Hide your pain, smile through it and prove your worth. That lived in me for a long time, especially as a mother, a professional, as someone leading organizations, as someone navigating faith spaces. As someone navigating faith spaces. I thought strength meant pretending I was fine. I believed resilience meant over functioning. I thought leadership meant never letting people see me struggle.

That mindset nearly broke me. I was just performing wellness, performing strength, performing independence, and none of it was sustainable. Disability justice has taught me that independent interdependence is not failure. Rest is not weakness. Support is not shameful. And being human is not something to apologize for.

One of the biggest transformations in my life was no longer seeing disability as something separate from myself. It's not something I tolerate or something I fight against. It's not something I hide. Disability is part of my identity. It is part of my story. It shows up in how I move through the world, in how I love, how I parent, how I lead, and even in how I create. This podcast.

Mandi: Disability has sharpened my empathy. It deepened my understanding of access.

It forced me to question systems and taught me how to survive. It taught me how to advocate and it taught me softness. It has even made me more honest. I no longer want liberation that requires me to abandon pieces of myself.

And when I think about transformation, I kept thinking about butterflies. And, yes,

I know that sounds incredibly cliche. We've all seen the quotes. We've all seen the social media graphics. We've all heard someone say, just trust the transformation. But recently,

I started thinking more deeply about butterflies and caterpillars. Because when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it doesn't become an entirely new creature. It isn't erased.

It doesn't abandon its original identity. Its DNA doesn't suddenly say, you are now something completely unrelated to what you once were. It's still the same living being. It just shows up differently. It expands, develops. It moves differently through the world. It accesses spaces differently. It experiences life differently.

Mandi: And I think that's such a powerful metaphor for what real transformation looks like.Because so often we think transformation means we should be unrecognizable. That if we've truly transformed, people should say,

"Wow, you're so different."

"You're not the same person."

"Look at how much you've changed."

But what if transformation is actually people saying,

"You seem more like yourself."

"You seem lighter."

"You seem freer."

Maybe, "You seem more honest," or. "You seem less afraid."

That feels more aligned for me.

Mandi: And recently, I had the privilege of watching someone transform right in front of me. And it was one of the most beautiful things I've witnessed. I watched someone slowly begin to show more of themselves. More honesty, more vulnerability, more confidence, and more truth. And later, they shared something with me that has stayed with me.

They said how meaningful it was to have safe spaces and safe people. And initially I thought, "Wow, yes, safe spaces matter," and they absolutely do. But the deeper realization I had was this: The space didn't transform them. The people didn't transform them. What those things did was create enough safety for them to be brave enough to show up as themselves. That's different. Their authenticity was already there. Their voice was already there. Their truth was already there. It simply needed room, permission, safety.

Mandi: And I think so many of us are moving in this world, blaming ourselves for not blooming in environments that were never safe enough for us to bloom in. Some workplaces are unsafe. Some relationships are unsafe. Some faith communities are unsafe. Some families can be unsafe. And some friendships are unsafe.

And then we internalize our shrinking as a personal failure. When really sometimes your transformation begins the moment you realize, I'm not failing. I'm surviving environments that do not allow me to fully exist. And that realization will change you.

Mandi: And I saw transformation happen in another way recently. This one was smaller on the surface, but deeply meaningful. I'm part of a group chat with other parents, and if I'm being honest, they mostly know me as the person who quietly lurks in the chat and occasionally drops a comment or two. Which is funny because people who know me in real life know I can absolutely talk. But this group chat is not always where I thrive.

Anyway, the group decided to go see a movie that I had been waiting forever to see. And I got excited because they initially picked a theater that was incredibly accessible for me. It felt doable, it felt exciting. It felt like one of those rare moments where access aligned beautifully.

Mandi: But then the showtime at the theater didn't work for most of the parents, so they found another theater. And technically it was still wheelchair accessible, but it was significantly farther away. And for many people, that might not seem like a huge issue, but for me, with limited transportation options, it changed everything. And I found myself in that familiar disabled person internal dialogue.

Do I say something?

Do I stay quiet?

Will this make it awkward?

Do I just pretend it's fine?

Do I really want to inconvenience people?

Let me tell you that internalized ableism voice can get loud. But I decided to be honest, and I shared that transportation made this inaccessible for me. And what happened next genuinely surprised me. I watched the organizer's mindset shift in real time. You could almost see the transformation happening through text messages. They realized something really important. Even though they intended to include me, they didn't fully understand the depth of accessibility. And that's real. A wheelchair accessible building doesn't automatically equal accessibility. Transportation matters. Distance matters. Energy and resources matter. Timing matters. Access is layered. And after apologizing, they asked what I think is one of the most important questions allies can ask.

What can we do?

Mandi: That question meant everything because it signaled curiosity, it signaled accountability, it signaled humility and partnership. And what could have become embarrassment, resentment, frustration, anger and withdrawal became something else entirely. Transformation. Their understanding expanded and I felt seen. That's what real allyship looks like. Not perfection, not never making mistakes, not magically understanding every disabled experience, but being willing to listen, being willing to adjust, being willing to learn.

And that kind of transformation that changes communities, that changes relationships,

it changes systems. And that's the kind of transformation I want us to pursue this season.

Mandi: And because I'm me, we have to talk about faith. As a queer Christian, my relationship with faith has evolved deeply. And one of the most transformative theological

revelations for me was Jesus resurrected with wounds.

Let that sit for a moment.

He didn't come back erased.

He didn't return polished.

He didn't return without evidence of suffering.

He returned fully divine and fully wounded.

There were holes in his hands, marks on his body, evidence of what he survived. And somehow those wounds didn't diminish his holiness. They revealed it. That completely transformed how I understand disability and faith.

Mandi: What if our scars aren't evidence of brokenness? What if our bodies aren't spiritual failures? What if our limitations are are not moral shortcomings? What if disabled bodies and minds are holy too? That changed everything for me. Jesus didn't resurrect into someone new. He resurrected more fully himself. And that's how I now understand transformation.

This season we're exploring transformation through so many lenses. Recovery, learning, autism, identity, healing, relationships, boundaries, systems, faith and liberation. You're going to hear from incredible voices, people who challenge assumptions, people with expertise and lived experience, people I deeply admire, and maybe even some perspectives I don't fully agree with because liberation requires nuance.

Mandi: So I want to start wrapping up with this what if transformation isn't about becoming someone entirely new? What if it's about uncovering what was always there? The softness,

the truth, the boundaries, the joy, the disabled identity, the healing, the faith, the humanity.

What are you trying to fix that may simply need compassion?

What part of yourself deserves to take up more space?

And what would happen if you stopped chasing someone else's version of transformation?

Mandi: Thank you again for being here and thank you for returning for another season. Before I go, I have to tell you about next week's episode because I am so excited. Next week I'll be sitting down with Dr. Robb Kelly for an episode called Beyond the Brain where we'll explore neuroscience, addiction, recovery, healing, and what it really means to understand recovery through a deeper lens. That conversation is incredibly powerful and you do not want to miss it.

And thank you to everyone who recently signed up for Mandi Mail. For those who are new here, Mandi Mail is my space to connect with you beyond social media and beyond this podcast. It's where I share personal reflections behind the scenes of updates, resources,

and sometimes thoughts that don't make it into an episode. If you want deeper connection and updates delivered straight to your inbox, make sure you sign up.

And as always, thank you for listening because disability, liberation, and love are always beyond beautiful.

💌 Stay Connected

You’re invited to join the Beyond Beautiful Collective on Facebook or follow along on Instagram at Intersectional_Access. This podcast is built in community, and your voice belongs here.

🔗Links mentioned in this episode

Buoy Hydration Drops

Mandi Mail