Beyond the Brain

Mandi Alvarado
May 10
31 min read

Beyond Beautiful: Disability, Liberation, Love

Season 3, Episode 2 - Beyond the Brain

🧭 Episode Summary

In this week’s episode of Beyond Beautiful: Disability, Liberation, Love, Mandi sits down with recovery expert Dr. Robb Kelly for a powerful and honest conversation about addiction, trauma, neuroscience, and healing.

Dr. Robb shares his personal journey with alcoholism, recovery, and rebuilding his life, while also unpacking how trauma impacts the brain and why treating root causes—not just symptoms—is critical in the recovery process.

Together, they discuss breaking generational cycles, mental health stigma, practical tools for healing, and finding hope even in life’s darkest moments.

⚠️ Content Notes

This episode includes discussions of addiction, suicide, trauma, mental health struggles, and explicit language. Listener discretion is advised. This conversation is not intended to replace medical advice—please consult your healthcare providers before starting or stopping any treatments or medications.

🎙 Guest

Dr. Robb Kelly, PhD is a sought-after recovery expert who believes in treating the causes of addiction and not the symptoms. Dr. Kelly has appeared on such shows as The Doctors, Eye Opener, Good Morning Texas, and Kens5 morning news. A frequent contributor to radio and print interviews including The Jim Bohannon show, Miracles in Recovery, USA Today, and participated in McLean Hospital’s (Harvard Medical School) study on the stigma associated with mental illness. Dr. Kelly hosted Sober Celebs show on KLIF radio in Dallas, and currently hosts the Breaking Through Addiction podcast featuring special guest discussing a variety of mental health issues.

Dr. Kelly created Let’s Get Back to 98% Recovery DVDs used in prisons and recovery treatment centers throughout the US. He has lectured on addiction and trauma at high-profile universities, national conferences, treatment facilities, public schools, churches, business organizations and hospitals. Dr Kelly is currently the CEO of the Robb Kelly Recovery Group, an addiction and mental illness recovery coaching company he created based on extensive research and behavior studies that he conducted over the past 20 years. Dr. Kelly shares his personal highs and lows as he struggled and overcame crippling alcoholism in the November 2019 release of the book “Daddy, Daddy Please Stop Drinking”.

💬 Key Themes

Addiction and Recovery
Trauma
Neuroscience
Hope

🚨Partnership

Intersectional Access has a partnership with Buoy, a company that creates hydration drops designed to support people living with chronic illnesses and conditions where maintaining hydration is especially important. Before agreeing to collaborate, I reached out to my community to hear about their experiences, and many people shared that Buoy has been helpful for managing symptoms and staying hydrated. One thing that stood out to me is their Chronic Illness Support Program, which offers people living with chronic illness 35% off their orders for life. If you use my referral link, you’ll receive 60% off your first subscription. Everyone else will receive 20% off their orders. I do earn a small commission from purchases made through the link, and that support helps sustain the podcast and the work I do to amplify disability-centered conversations. Use this Referral Link.

📜 Full Transcript

Mandi: Welcome to Beyond Disability Liberation Love. I'm Mandi, your Queer Christian Disabled host.

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Mandi: I'm so grateful you came back for another conversation in our Season three theme of Transformation. This season is all about what it means to evolve, not by becoming someone entirely new, but by uncovering more of who we already are beneath survival mode, systems of oppression, trauma, shame, and all the things that try to disconnect us from ourselves.

And today's conversation really pushes us deeper into this theme.

Before we begin, I want to offer a few content notes. This episode includes discussions around addiction, suicide, trauma and mental health struggles. There is also some explicit language throughout this conversation. Please be sure to take care of yourself while listening and pause if you need to. I also want to be very clear that nothing shared in this episode should be taken as medical or health advice. Please speak with your medical providers, therapists and care teams before starting, stopping or changing any medications, treatments, recovery programs, or healthcare plans. And one more important note. As many of you know, I approach these conversations through a disability justice lens. I also intentionally create space for guests to share their personal perspectives, lived experiences, and professional expertise. This means the language used in conversations may not always perfectly align with my own framework or disability justice values. I think that's important. Disability justice is nuanced, healing is nuanced, recovery is nuanced. And sometimes growth requires us to sit with perspectives that challenge us, stretch us, or invite deeper reflection.

Today's guest is someone whose story is both deeply personal and professionally impactful. Dr. Robb Kelly is a sought after recovery expert who believes in treating the root causes of addiction rather than simply managing symptoms. He has appeared on major platforms including the Doctors Good Morning Texas, USA Today, and has contributed to research through McLean Hospital at Harvard Medical School focused on stigma surrounding mental illness. He's lectured nationally on addiction and trauma, created recovery programs used in prisons and treatment centers across the country, and currently serves as CEO of the Rob Kelly Recovery Group. He's also incredibly open about his own personal journey navigating alcoholism, trauma and recovery which he shares in his book, Daddy, Daddy, Please Stop Drinking. In today's conversation, we explore the brain trauma, recovery, shame, healing, and what it really takes to break cycles that many people feel trapped in. This conversation may challenge what you think you know about addiction, and I hope it also invites deeper compassion. Let's get into it.

Mandi: Welcome, Dr. Robb. I'm very excited to have you on my show today. How are you doing?

Dr. Robb: Very good. Thank you for having me on, by the way.

Mandi: Yes, thank you. So I would love for you to just start off with an introduction of yourself and also what type of work you do and what got you into this work.

Dr. Robb: Hey, guys, My name is Dr. Robb Kelly over in San Antonio, Texas. As you can tell by my accent, I'm not from here, I'm from England, and I've been in America about 20 years. We are mental health, specializing in addiction, alcoholism, PTSD, anxiety, depression management, building, and anything to do with psych is what we cover. And the reason why I'm in this industry and have been for 30 years, is my own alcoholism. So I lost everything and was homeless 14 months. And so when I got off the streets, I decided to spend the rest of my life finding out what addiction is and what depression is. And the findings were a gas. And that's what we're known for today. I'm a concierge doctor. I work with A-list celebrities. But my staff in San Antonio, Dallas, Manchester, England, Switzerland and Spain work with everyday people like me. So we're quite busy. We love what we do. I do a lot of tv. I have books out there, and I wrote for Harvard University on addiction.

Mandi: Thank you so much. You know, when people hear this word addiction, many people associate it with some type of moral failure. So from your perspective, what is actually happening in the brain and what actually happens when a person is experiencing addiction?

Dr. Robb: So alcoholics are born and drug addicts are made. So alcoholics have a predisposition. Three parts of the brain differ than any other addiction. It's the hypothalamus, basal ganglia, and the amygdala. So that is a disease. Now, drug addiction is the addictive personality. They both show up the same. They're both just as horrible. But it's easier to get off drugs than it is to get off alcohol. As a survival part of the brain of alcoholics are telling the prefrontal cortex, a decision maker, to drink alcohol only to survive. So the hypothalamus is our survival part. That doesn't happen in drug addicts. 93% of people that Come here with a staunch heroin or crack cocaine problem started in their doctor's office. So our research shows this. They both will drive you insane. Everything will go by the by, especially alcoholism. Once we start drinking, all bets are off. We can't stop now. The problem we have is educating people is the word alcoholic is branded around willy nilly. You know Jimmy around the corner, he drinks two bottles a day, he's an alcoholic. Well, the truth of the matter is alcoholism is the only self diagnosed illness in the world. 10 DWIs do not make you an alcoholic. So you can't drink yourself into becoming an alcoholic. But you can take enough drugs to become a drug addict. If you find you can't stop drinking and you drinking every day, there's no alcoholism in the family and you can stop for no reason. You are abusing alcohol. Just stop. What's wrong with you? You know, same with drugs. And a lot of people disagree with that because AA and NA and they've been told this, but this is scientific research, new neuroscience. We spent about $1.7 million on research to find out what's going on. You can cure addiction, you can't cure alcoholism because of the hypothalamus, but you can cure drug addiction as in permanent recovery. But people don't know that. They think they're stuck and this is the rest of their life and they're gonna die of it, which could be the truth, but you can fully recover from that.

Mandi: So you're sharing a little bit about some misconceptions of what people think about addiction and alcoholism. So if you could explain a little bit about what are some of the common misconceptions about recovery that you wish more people understood.

Dr. Robb: Well, we could go in the main street right now, we could ask 10 people, what is alcoholism? And they'll all say the same thing. Is somebody who drinks so much alcohol or somebody who can't stop drinking alcohol? Alcohol has 1% to do with alcoholism. Same with drugs, sex, food, ****, whatever it is, it's not the problem. So during my drinking days, I realized once I started to research that I never had a drinking problem. I had a thinking problem. And how. It all started for me as I'm outside of the liquor store back in England. I'm homeless, I'm outside this newsagent, stroke liquor store at 5am not supposed to open until 7, concern alcohol till 10 and I can't. My head's banging, I'm sweating, it's snowing. Got a pair of shorts on, little vests, flip flops. And I'm sweating. And I know from experience I'm going into the dt, the Delirium tournaments, which means if I don't get to hospital within the next 45 minutes or so or get some alcohol in me, there's a good chance we're going to die. The guy opens the shop. He knows me. He closes it, he locks it behind him, like, oh, God, the counter. Put my money on the counter. He put the bottle on the counter. And for whatever reason, this particular time, this was my reaction. I just held the bottle. I didn't open the cap. I held the bottle. And everything about me changed. The headache went, sweats went. Voice went normal, Aching went. I didn't feel sick. I didn't want to vomit. Instantly, in milliseconds, my body was right. And I remember in slow motion, Mandi looking over to the shopkeeper and looking back to the bottle, and he was, oh, my goodness, it's not the alcohol. And that's where it started for me. And numerous tests of what we've done proves that. I mean, we've picked people up that just relapsed, called us. We've taken them to the drug dealer or the liquor store. We paid for the stuff. We drove them home. We wired them up, of course, to head and chest. And the most intoxicating part of all that journey was the drive to a liquor store, the drive to a drug dealer. That's when the heart was beating and everything was good. And they're feeling great as we're driving there because they know they're gonna get the stuff.

Mandi: So this was really just like you said, that thinking, the almost the mental experience.

Dr. Robb: Yeah, definitely. It's all psychological. The neuroscience, we found out pertaining to everything. So the addiction program works for alcoholism to a certain degree, but works for depression, anxiety, ptsd, it's all the same. We have to reroute neuropathways. We have to change patterns in the brain. For instance, 300 neural pathways, which are thought patterns, die every single day in the brain. So the question is, what am I replacing them with? Am I replacing them with old thinking or behavior, or am I taking a different route and seeking help? And the good neural pathways of positivity and expecting amazing things to happen and the more positive and the less negative. That's kind of the layman term approach for you.

Mandi: Now, I know that many people connect trauma or trauma experiences to addiction and these types of behaviors. So how have you seen trauma intersect with addictive behaviors?

Dr. Robb: Trauma is the gateway drug. That's it. Everybody has childhood trauma first of all. And if you sat there and go, I don't, you're probably the worst. Everybody has it. It's not a plane crash. It's not mom and dad getting divorced. It's not a fight at school. It goes way deeper than that. And in my day, they normalized sexual abuse, they normalized childhood trauma. Alcoholics are more sensitive to a trauma, and we never deal with it. So you never find anybody suffering from any kind of mental health problems that hasn't. It hasn't been deep rooted in trauma. The only difference is the alcoholism because obviously when we take the first drink, the parts of the brain start acting differently. But even then, the childhood trauma has a significant effect on how quickly alcoholism will strike. Now, in the early days, you can stop, but always, always, always is the childhood trauma. If we don't get rid of that, you will never, ever stay sore.

Mandi: Yeah, I really appreciate when you shared that trauma. Everyone really experiences it, and it's not necessarily an event that we think of as traumatic like a plane crash. It really is this individual experience and what's affected the person. So how can someone really start to address those kinds of things and work through those when it's such a personal experience?

Dr. Robb: Well, you can't do this on your own, guys. That's why we exist, of course, is you need to know how to do it. We, I mean, we do brain spotting, we do Breathbox, which is a software that's been developed to change the brain chemistry and patterning, brainspotting, all that stuff. Nlp, somatic experience. The first thing to do is start dialogue with somebody. This is the hardest thing to do. It took me 10 years before I could turn around to somebody. I trust in this, that I think it's all gone wrong. I really think I can't stop drinking. So, yeah, start dialing with somebody. Because most of, I'd say about 60% of childhood trauma, you will never, ever guess that you're acting out with childhood trauma. Okay, so here's a real true story. It's also a layman way of explaining. There's a young girl grows up. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 age group. She sees dad coming home two or three times a week, alcoholic, gets into a fist fight with mom. She watches all of this going on. They get up the next morning and dad says, oh, I'm really sorry about last night. And mom said, oh, I love you. I love you. It's okay. I don't worry about it. And he said, I love you too. What that child puts them together is violence equals love. So when she leaves the house eventually to get a new job or college, she will attract. This is where the mind comes in. She will attract the same guys that treat her the same way. To the extent is that if she a good guy who treated her well, she would self sabotage that relationship. Because deep down inside subconscious brain, it doesn't feel natural.

Mandi: Wow. Yeah. That's very powerful. And I know, you know, myself as a mom with two young children, the things that our children pick up and see that we don't even realize is very powerful. It's not just what we're actively teaching them, but it's just things that they learn and develop in watching us and seeing our interactions and relationships and other people. So that's a very powerful story.

Dr. Robb: Yeah. And it's deeper and everybody has it. You know, it's not every second third person. It's everybody who asks. So I wear stupid clothes like a 20 year old and I wear stupid colored glasses. And people think it's a gimmick. It's not gimmick. It's a conversation starter. And every person I speak to, I ask them one question. Well, I ask two questions. Are you happy? There's always a silence before the answer comes. And secondly, what are you going through at nighttime that nobody knows about? Then the tears start, whether it's a man or a woman. When you get sat down face to face, you look them straight in the eyes and you ask them. It hits straight in the heart. It's like everybody is going through something that either nobody or not a lot of people know about. It could be finances, it could be anything.

But as a child, we pick up on the small. That's a stupid shirt. Oh my goodness. Yeah, that. That hounded me for 20 years. I wasn't careful what I had. There was two buttons missing on the shirt and I knew there was and my mom did, but one of the annators and you got two buttons missing on your shirt. Oh, look at you. Ha ha ha ha. Oh man. That almost killed me. That's childhood trauma. It's not the big divorce, you know. And I mean it can be, don't get me wrong, but we're talking about alcoholics and sensitive people. It's the smallest thing that stick and it sticks in the subconscious. So you're not aware of it.

But I used to have to walk to school each week. Mom and dad could afford two pairs of shoes a year, winter and summer. So in the winter, couple of months in the soles would have holes in them. And my socks would have holes in them. I'd walk in the snow to school. My mom used to cut around a cardboard box and then put it in my shoe, which only lasted about 30 minutes. They became soggy and I was walking to school every day in holes in my socks and shoes. I have 29 pair of sneakers right now and if I wear socks where a thread or anything comes off it, I throw them away and I buy new ones. So that's the long lasting effect on that. And it didn't seem like a trauma at the time. You know, most of the kids I went with had holes in their shoes and socks. But for me as an alcoholic being sensitive, it kind of not ruled my life, but it was a bit present. And I didn't know this Mandy until about two years ago when I was working with a therapist because everybody needs somebody. And then she told, I told her about the story and she said, well, what's your mom and dad do? And I said, well, for fun, I said we're going to go to the pub Saturday night. And what she said, there's flawed me. She said, does your mom and dad have holes in their socks and shoes when they go to the bar? And all of a sudden the tears started and I'm like, oh my God, that's been with me for 50 years. I've been carrying that around so ongoing.

Just when you think I've got all my traumas, everything's good. It's not because something will happen, which I hate the word trigger. I like the memory recall name will come up and if you don't deal with it straight away, you suffer, but human beings don't deal with it. If you have it. Well, guys, if you ever seen a deer being hit by a cow but not killed, it'll lay on the floor stationary for a couple of seconds. Next it'll jump up. And what it does next is miraculous. It will shake violently for a couple of seconds and it runs off. The shaking violently shakes all the trauma off and fear for what just happened. So who knows? The next day the same deer, the same car, the same who knows? But the thing is, they shook that trauma off so they fearful of crossing the road again. Human beings don't do that. We stuff it down. We stuff it down. We stuff it down and eventually what goes down must come up. You collapse.

Mandi: Yeah, and I really appreciate you sharing how you're in this work, but you're still working through things too. And even after all of this time and being in recovery yourself and all this time, you're still working through things. And I think that's important for people to know. This isn't just a snap the fingers and everything's back. It's a, it's an ongoing process.

Dr. Robb: Probably, it's probably a lifelong. And I'm really open with my life. You just gotta follow my, my social medias, you know, I mean, nobody knows this today. Nobody knows this. Mandy. This is an exclusive on this podcast. Yesterday they think I have cancer of the prostate. Okay, now that comes along and I get that news. What am I gonna do with that news? I go for MRI on Tuesday, I think, and another biopsy. My numbers quadrupled the PSA numbers. But you know, the trauma from that I dealt with straight away. And I'm here today with you as happy as can be, giving information out that's obviously encouraging people and inspiring people in that sit because I dealt with it there and then I didn't let it carry on. My father died on Thursday evening about three years ago. I do a homeless book study with homeless people in this shed. There's about 300 homeless people there. And every Monday I inspire people. We talk about the AA bug, you know, talk about God. And so surely people are missing. And when we found out they got jobs, they got back on you off the street. And I turned Saturday morning. So he died on Thursday night, late about 1 o', clock early Friday morning. I still went Saturday morning. I still did my deal. Nobody knew that my father died because that's not what I'm about. You know, I'm about dealing with my stuff straight away and then go on to still encourage people.

But like you said, this is a lifelong thing because things come up and the shock of that. I don't know if anybody been told they have like a terminal illness. When you walk in the doctor, okay, and you feel great, you might be whistling, you know. Hey. Hey guys, how you doing? Great to see you. Sit down. The doctor gives you extremely bad news and you walk out there feeling sick and ill. It's happening. It's probably said five words to you and your whole body, your whole biology of your body and psychological framework has changed within just using words. So you deal with there and then realize there's nothing you can do about it right now. You take it day by day and you continue to do what you do best.

Mandi: Thank you for sharing that. I am curious to know what role you think someone's self worth or identity has in the recovery process?

Dr. Robb: Ah, these are great questions. Most people have lost their identity and I'll tell you why. Let's take the normal mood. He works for a company for 30 years and literally overnight they go bust and he's let go. His identity was at work. He'd hang around work friends. He'd go out weekend with friends and wives. I mean, his identity was. I was the manager, such and such. You take that away and your identity stripped. Two ways you can make somebody insane always works. We did some research on death row and the prison over here, Hunt in Texas. Take their identity away and isolate them so the identity is lost. And women with marriages are the same. It's usually. It's football clubs, it's friends and everything. So they come away and they're lost. Without an identity, they have no idea who they are. While you're suffering from loss of identity, your life will not be good because you're always going to doubt, you're always going to think you're not good enough. You're never tall enough, blond enough, thin enough or rich enough. And that's next is identity isolation and the imposter Syndrome. Men do this, I've read, you know. God, when I leave you or you leave me, you'll never get a man as good as me. Really. But women believe that, you know, I've had enough. I'd enough of the violence. I've had enough of the. You're not gonna kill my kids. I haven't leave. Well, you'll never get cussed. She will. You know what man says that no man says that. Other beta males might say, but no alpha man ever says that.

The quicker you talk to someone, the quicker you get to us. We can fix that. You know, everyone thinks that you can't cure this. Yeah, you can. Well, I have heart disease. I got it off my dad. Can you explain that, please? Yeah, no problem. So my dad had heart problems, his grandfather heart problems. And now it's been passed down to me. Well, first of all, let's not talk about a biologically impossibility. First let's talk about a methylation problem that you have. So let's say dad eats beans, mom cooks beans. You know, they're not doing very well, beans and sausage or something. Now, when we eat food, it's not used in the sauce that we eat it. It has to be methylated into a source that the body can use. So 90% of stuff from the grocery store or the supermarket. Now, we can't methylate if you're picking something up. And in the first five ingredients, it mentions canola oil and all that rancid oil, sunflower oil, we can't methylate that. So dad had a deficiency because he couldn't methylate, let's say the beans to make it easy. The methylation causes deficiency. The deficiency causes the heart problems. I leave the house, I'm kind of on the same staple as my family's always cooked for me. I can't methylate, I get a deficiency. I got heart problems. And I want the medical fraternity and everyone wants to tell you, you can't. If you. Dad, it's not true.

I will never, ever, ever go to my doctor for my personal health ever again. Mental health. Never. If I break a leg, great. Never again. Because this country. And I'm American, guys, just despite the accent, and I really mean this, I'm not an English guy bashing the I'm American. If American England went to war, I'm American. But you have to look at that. The pharmaceutical companies are killing people. So the pharmacy, the food industry gets us sick, and the pharmaceutical industry keeps us sick. I mean, on conferences, I asked a few months ago, there's a thousand people there. And I asked Blayton, and we're talking about medication and pharmaceutical drugs pertaining to psych. If you've got heart problems, keep checking the meds. But pertaining to psych. And I asked the audience, have you ever been to the doctor with a disease or ailment, especially a psych problem like Sadi Perez? You've taken the medication he's prescribed you, it's cured the illness, and you never have to take the medication again. And the answer is no. Not in the pharmaceutical industry has it ever happened, nor will it ever happen. So you have to open your ways up, because all this is mental health. It's freedom of thought patterns, clear of self sabotage. But when you're taking this stuff that you have no idea what you're taking, but it's the drug of the month. And I was speaking to a lady. I was speaking to a lady the other day. She said, Dr. Kelly, I'm so depressed. I'm like, oh, my God, Mrs. Smith, I'm so sorry. How long has this been going on? About five years. Five years. Oh, my God. Oh, goodness me. You poor thing. Do you take anything for it? Yeah, I take Wellbutrin. Oh, okay. How long you been taking the Wellbutrin? About three years now. When did you think it's gonna kick in? But you're still taking the Wellbutrin and you're still depressed. And we get this all of the time. If you get the medical dictionary in the usa and you look up depressing, I'll say, like a serotonin. Why aren't we asking ourselves before we rush to the doctor, why is my serotonin low in the first place? And that's what we're missing in this country.

Mandi: Yeah, no, it's true. And I mean, I know many people, and this is by no means you know me saying, don't, don't take your medications, but I know many people who, you know, still experience different mental health things, especially depression, which is a really big one, and have been taking medication for a long time. And then sometimes you take the supplemental medication because the main one's not helping. And you know, you, you look a year later, you might be taking 5, 10 different medications to help with the side effects of the last one. And it's, it's really, it's a really difficult thing. So I really appreciate this new perspective on how, how we're thinking about mental health.

Dr. Robb: The other thing I just want to explain, there is depression for those people who haven't got. I've never had depression. I want to show you what depression looks like. Okay. Jenny, how you doing today? I'm doing great, man. Awesome. That's what depression looks like. In cases we don't have to sit there, crawled up in the corner, not speaking to anybody. So watch out for your friends and your families. You know, depression kills. That's it, you know, and you have to get treatment. And it's not always medication, but if the balance is out, the chemical balance, you may need something to get you back on track, but you definitely don't need to stay on. And again, nobody's telling you to stop. I'm just telling you my experience with the patients I've worked with, they decide, you know, something, I'm going to try without. Well, first of all, I say go back to your medical doctor, see what he thinks, and they may wean him off. And, and it's amazing once you stop following like sheep, how well you actually get and how many opportunities come your way. Like over 11,000 patients I work with, we have a 98% success rate. There are some rules you have to follow and an assessment you have to pass before we take you on. But all of them say the same. The opportunity, oh, my doctor, I can't believe that this job was offered 10. They've always been there, the opportunities, but you've never seen them. That's all it is.

Mandi: Yeah. Thank you so much for that. So for someone who is listening to this, who may be struggling, or maybe someone is supporting a person who's struggling. What are two or three practical things that a person could start doing immediately to support brain health and recovery and generally just healthy living?

Dr. Robb: So first of all, if you are struggling, talk to somebody. The dialogue will save your life. You talk to the right people. You should have people around you that encourage you all the time. You're not weak because you're depressed. You're not weak because you suffer from anxiety. I suffer from all of that. I'm not weak. I was, I grew up on the projects. Now counseling states I can fight. I'm 65 years old. I take on anybody right now and I'm sure I wouldn't lose. I'm aggressive, I'm strong. It's got nothing to do with depression, anxiety, alcoholism, whatever it is. Start dialogue.

First of all, to the caregivers out there, be patient. You know, just be patient. That's all it is. But make sure you don't enable. So does that fine line. So set boundaries with yourself and then set boundaries with your friend. Like tomorrow I'm going to come around and pick you up at 10. I'm going for a walk. Yeah, but we're going for a walk. And if you don't want to come, I'm not coming around for a week, you know, and then, you know, get people, encourage people. I've not met anybody yet with enough encouragement, with not enough love, enthusiastic, you know, drive from the person to not get the sick person out doing something because the memory part of the brain feeds on what's in front of them. So if I'm hanging around the bad guys gonna end up being a bad guy. If I hang around nine depressed people, I'm gonna become a tenth. So just take care. Personal care is very important.

Going back to carers or therapists, if you are not taking care of you and you're doing this deal day in, day out, you will break down. You will have a break. I did it myself 10 years ago. They took me into a psych ward. I was trying to help everybody and everything and I just couldn't do it. You know, I had no boundaries in myself. So it's important you have a self care day. Everybody should have a self care day. Away from the kids, away from the hobby or the wife, whatever. Go to a spa, go and play football, go golfing, you know, just for a day and be kind to you. Get the massage stuff out, you know, and get fully charged again to go out there. My staff have feel good Fridays in Dallas. That means every Friday.

Mandi: I love that!

Dr. Robb: There's not only the staff but we, they take their, their, their patients out. So I might have nine staff and 15 patients. I'll send them all out on a Friday so they all meet together, they all go out and, and I pay for the hair, the nails, the spa, the tanning, I pay for all of that. And it's called feel good Friday. Now I've never had anybody call in sick and I've never had anybody leave because they don't like the company. Because you have to look after you know who's most important in your company? Oh, the customers. Nope, it's your staff. If you don't encourage look after your staff, they're going to hate working for you and the eventually leave.

You have to take care of your staff. Everybody needs this. I don't care if you ruined run the world or you sweet roads. You need that day and you need at least eight to nine hours a day. Sleep well, I sleep four hours. Yeah, you know, come back to me when you're 30. When we look 90, it's, it's proven scientific facts, especially using neuroscience, that the body needs eight to nine hours to repair. Now, could you get up after five? Well, of course you can. You have to come up with a plan that you sleep between eight and nine hours. Your performance will be good, your age better, you'll have more energy.

Everyone's rushing around. If you're rushing around, you get nothing done. So caregivers and the patients you're looking after, I want you to do this when you get up in the morning. So therapist and patient or caregiver in housing? Patient. I want you both to write five things down every morning that you're going to complete that day. Now, you may do a thousand tasks, it doesn't make any difference. Once you put pen to paper and write the five things down. And don't start crazy like win the world and win the lottery. Start with breakfast, lunch, dinner, tv, walk, dog and cross them off, either psychologically or carry around with you. If you keep doing the five things a day and crossing the five things off, the subconscious brain as well as the conscious brain will restructure the brain for winning. Not for losing, but for winning. So while we're rushing around, we're losing, we're dropping balls. Although we've got 20 in the air. Don't just oh my God, I've dropped a ball. Oh my God. Do you concentrate on the 19 you still have? No, you concentrate on you dropped. And it all starts again with the Mental health. So just be careful, guys. Just because you need a personal day or a weekend out and it doesn't make you less than. It makes you more than.

Mandi: I love that. So as you know, I do a lot of work in the disability justice space and we call that principle of taking that time and that self care sustainability. And as someone who is from New York, where, you know, we are one of the most hustle, hustler cities in the, in the country, I venture to say even in the world, it can be really hard to remember that, you know, you don't have to be tied to the hustle and bustle of every day and to really take that time for yourself and recharge. So I really appreciate you uplifting that. What gives you hope in the work that you do?

Dr. Robb: Results. So we're results driven. And again, it comes from my homelessness because when I came off the street, I was angry at the medical fraternities because nobody could tell what was wrong with me. Just stop drinking. Try to come do it. Just do this. Try it. Couldn't do it. I was angry because nobody could tell me what was wrong with me. So I get up every morning. I'm at 10 out of 10 every day. I do not have bad days. I have better days than others. But it's helping people. Now I'm in a position financially where I can bless somebody every day. Monetary, I can bless them financially every day. That's what I do. Everywhere I go, I'm talking to people all the time again. Oh, my God. Nice glasses. Oh, yeah. Oh, I got you English. Oh, my. Oh, what'd you do? My daughter. Oh. Conversations start. It's amazing how many people you can change with a kind word.

There's a great story. This is one of the reasons I get up. Guy walks to the Golden Gate Bridge, throws himself off, commits suicide. Police pull him out of the water, they find his wallet. They go back to his apartment looking for next of Ken. And what they found was a letter on the kitchen table, a note. And it read, I'm going to go to the Golden Gate Bridge, which was an hour's walk, by the way. Guys, I'm going to throw myself off and commit suicide. Unless on the way, an hour's walk, somebody says, good morning, hello, nods at me, waves at me, anything to acknowledge me being there in the world. I will stop right there. I'll come back and I'll try again tomorrow. So the question for the audience is, how many people have you walked past today? Who's heading to the Golden Gate, Bridge. You never know the one word that you say, a smile, a nod to somebody could. You will never know, but it could change the whole life. So that guy, he had. Nobody said. He, of course, threw himself off.

But everywhere, you should be complimenting three people today. You should be saying hi to everyone. You walk past. You never know that one word can save people's lives. It has done for me in the past. But I'm just thinking, I'm coming out of there, I'm just going to go drink, I'm going to kill myself. And somebody said something, and all of a sudden, it's changed a whole perspective of my life that day. And by the time I get busy with this or feeling good about this, the suicide thought has gone. And that's what we need to do more. So I get up every day with a smile on my face, expecting great things and expecting to heal at least one person tomorrow.

Same with his podcast. I never work. I don't work Saturdays and Sundays. Never. I've worked too hard. But obviously when we spoke, it's like, yeah, I like this. I like this girl. I'm gonna come in. I'm coming the office because it's where the studio is to do this. But again, if we could save a life today, haven't we done our job?

Mandi: Absolutely. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And it's a very similar mindset to what I have. You know, I have a daytime job and I do this podcast kind of as a side thing, but I've had even just a small group of people tell me that hearing the stories and hearing, you know, my perspectives on things has really helped them. So I continue to do it, even though it takes more time and energy. So we align for sure in that.

As we're wrapping up, if there is one thing that you could have people who are listening leave with today, whether it's about addiction or mental health or the brain, what is the one thing you would like people to leave here with today?

Dr. Robb: I'm going to give you three things, guys, to start tomorrow. It's going to change your life. One of the reasons we never wake up laughing is lack of oxygen. So when I wake up in the morning, during the normal circadian sleep pattern between 2 and 5 is when the body is at rest. At the most, there's no oxygen. As shallow is breathing, the body's starting to repair itself. So when we wake up, there's no oxygen. So subconscious brain loves hypoxic situations. So whether you like it or not, the subconscious brain Wakes us up. The conscious brain is the guy we want running the show that day, not the subconscious. That's the bad guy. You never achieve anything. You're never good enough, all that stuff. So when we get up tomorrow morning, sit on the bed, or if you want to stand, hold onto something. Let's flood the brain and the body full of oxygen. So I need you to 20 exaggerated breath in and out pretty fast, like this, you know, really take it in, make that funny face and then get it out of you. Get it in, get it out. You do 20 of those after you start, stop getting dizzy. I'll take you a few seconds.

Go into the bathroom. I want you to look in the mirror and stand six feet away. And all I want to say is, I love you. 10 times, I love you. I love you. Now, the optical illusion is when we get close to the mirror. There's no good when we say it because we see all our blemishes. Well, that's not how people see us. So when you stand six feet away, the blemishes disappear. That's how people see you. So we receive the I love yous more than we would be. I mean, when's the last time you were in the office? Hey, Jimmy, we don't do that. People what we think we look like, people don't see that. So do the 10 items.

And let's change the structure of some patterning that may be old. If you brush your teeth with your right hand and what you do, weak on the left, weak on the right, weak on the left, weak on your right, it will change like, oh, I did it. It didn't work. No, you didn't. Don't come back **** with me. It changes because it has to change. Because we've introduced new patterns and we introduce oxygen, we introduce the subconscious memory. And if we do them three, what happens is, if you can imagine this being the subconscious brain, okay, it gets us up. Once we do these three things, especially oxygen, what happens? This.

Now, the conscious brain is going to run the show for that day. That means great things are going to happen, man.

But. And here's the hook, guys. The subconscious brain, all day long, is in the background and it's looking for anything to grab and run the shot. So when people say to me, Dr. Rob, I've had a really bad day, my reply is that, was it really a bad day or was it five minutes? You strung out all day? It's always the five minutes. It's like, be grateful. Oh, I gotta get up tomorrow. I gotta get, get, gotta get. You get to take the kids to school, you get to have a job, you get to breathe. You get to have all this stuff that you can have. Because I would hate for anybody to get to the age of 70 or 80, look back on their life and realize two vital things. Number one, nobody was watching you. And number two, you really could have done anything you wanted to do.

Mandi: Wow. Yes, thank you. I'm definitely going to do those practices. I love that idea of being, you know, away from the mirror because it's true we tend to get very close to the mirror to look at all of the blemishes and all of the issues that we have. But it's true. People don't see us that way. They're not, you know, in that magnifying glass seeing all the blemishes. So I appreciate that.

Dr. Robb: Of course, of course.

Mandi: So if people want to learn more about your work, how can people stay connected and follow what you're doing?

Dr. Robb: Spell the name with two Bs. R-O-B-B K-E-L-L-Y dot com. This is the website. Jump on there you'll see Breathbox Studio. It's online. It'll change your mind. Repentance brains. Or we'll give you money back. Never happened yet. You see the other socials that we do jump on, say hi if we can be of assistance. Call us. You know, just call us. Don't cost anything. No one's going to sell you anything. And we can chat to you if you are a parent of a child. When we say child up to 21 years old and they're going through something and you're just very upset because you don't know how to handle it. I have an office with my wife and her assistant in our building that the only thing they do is answer calls from loved ones seeking advice. No one's going to sell you anything. Even if you try. They're not going to sell you it. They're there because my parents died early from my alcoholism being homeless. We wanted to there because there's nowhere to turn to. You call a treatment center and the first thing they're going to say to you, have you got insurance? It doesn't work like that here. We're going to give you all their advice to comfort and we don't care moms or dads, if you call that line a hundred times a day. We're just there to support you guys and explain what is going on. Where you take it from there is entirely up to you.

Mandi: Thank you so much. And we'll be sure to include the links that you shared with us and your social media in our show notes so people can stay in contact. Dr. Rob, thank you so much for your time, for sharing your story and your work. It was really a pleasure getting to know more about you and what you're doing and I know that our listeners will be impacted did today. So thank you.

Dr. Robb: Thank you Mandi. Bye guys.

Mandi: Thank you so much for spending time with me today and for holding space for this conversation. I know today's episode covered some heavy topics and I truly hope that after listening you're giving yourself permission to practice self care in whatever way feels supportive for you and I hope you are leaving this conversation with exactly that hope. Some of the tools and practices Dr. Rob shared may feel helpful as you continue navigating your own journey.

And before we go, I have a very exciting announcement. My next product launch is coming during the last week of May and I am so excited about this one. If you are someone who wants to proudly show your LGBTQ Pride, Disability Pride or Allyship in a fun, bold way, you're not going to want to miss this. Especially if you loved my Access is Sexy Digital Sticker Pack. To be the first to hear about this new product launch, join my Beyond Beautiful Collective Facebook group, follow me on Instagram at intersectional_access and most importantly, sign up for Mandy Mail for sneak peeks, exclusive updates and early access. All links will be shared in the show notes. There's so much exciting stuff happening in this community and I'm really grateful that you are here for it. Until next time, remember, Disability, Liberation, Love are always Beyond Beautiful.

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